isang masakit na katotohanan

masakit malaman na pwedeng mali ka kahit tama ka...
mahirap malaman ang mga bagay katulad ng trigo, mga formula sa chem at ang redox.
mahirap malaman na talagang walang magic ang mga bagay, depende lang pala sa perspective yon... wlang santa, walang rudolph,walang grinch na sisisra ng pasko kasi ang mga tao din ang sisira nito.
mahirap malaman na matutunaw din lahat ng paninidigan mo at magigigng tanga ka sa pagiral sa mundo...
mahirap ang katotohanan na sinabi sayo ng kaibigan mo na hindi mo matanggap hanggang ngayon...kasi naniniwala ka na hindi ka ganon.

"tol lalake lang tayo na may iisang puso at dalwang itlog..."

ang muling paglusong

isa akong shokoy. male counterpart ng mga mgagandang sirena ang punagkaiba lang namin ay magagnda sila at kaakit akit kung baga kami ay hindi delightable to the senses. pangit kami kung paano nyo maimagine ang kapangitan namin ay ganoon kami. may kaliskis, malangsa at may ulo ng isda.
oo, shokoi kami pag nasa tubig ngunit may panahon kaming umaahon sa lupa para maging tao. para makisalimuha sa mga tao at mga iniibig namin na sa kabila ng pagiging shokoi namin ay tinanggap kami.
umahon ako sa lupa 2 buwan na ang nakaraan at ngayon muli na ulit akong lulusong at tutubuan ng kaliskis... iiwan ang prinsesang taong minahal namin . iiwanan sila ng pangako ng aming pagbabalik. sana lamang ay nasa pang pang pa sila sa aming pagbalik!

i was...

i was baing crushed...
being burdened by this thing that follows love, commitment.
i was being accuse...
for those thing that never crossed my mind.
i was wimping like a dog...
they not just stepped me on the tail but also in the head, direct, without consideration...

and i was here... yesterday to stay.
and still here today,
and will always be as i have been today and yesterday.

blogger

i am a blogger.
blogging is the air i breathe, the ocean i swim and like all of us distined to the grave, i oath to be buried here...blogspot

Baso

karaniwang may laman akng tubig sa simpleng nananghalian
beer sa taong problemado
juice sa feeling summer
at gatas para sa laking nido
isa akong baso... basong gawa sa ngayong panahon. ibang iba sa baso noon.
hindi ako nababasag pagkat gawa ako sa plactic. tunay akong plastic, walang pagpapanggap...

ang pinagkaiba ko sa ibang baso ay ibinibigay ko ang sarili ko sa taong mapili ko at sa ngayon ibinigay ko ang sarili ko sa isang prinsesa.sa aking prinsesang inbaalagaan. gusto kong masiguradong hindi siya mauuhaw at hindi nga namn siya nauhaw kayat dumating ang panahong pinaglagyan na din ako ng suka... walang dahilan at hindi ko nalaman kung para saan. masaya ako sa nangyari kahit mahapdi. oo, nagcocorode ang plastic kong pagkatao sa acid na inilagay sakin. ngunit masaya ako dito. ngunit maging suka man na inilagay sakin ay unting unting iniiga ng panahon at nakita ko ang aking sariling itinatagilid ng matapon ang laman sa lupa at tuyuin, masakit pagkat ako'y para sa prinsesa ko. wala silang karapatang igahin ang laman ko dahil daw nakasasama ako. tangina nyo.mamatay na kayo inumin nyo ang lasong laman ko! hindi ako para maiga sa inyo. ngunit tapos na at nagyari na ang lahat naiga na ako. o aking prinsesa wag mo akong itapon kahit man lang pangsalok ng lupa ako'y iyong gamitin dahil ako'y iyong baso parin!

star gazing

isang gabi sa balita ni kuya kim... magkakaroon daw ng meteor shower.
meteor shower na hindi natuloy...

dahil dito ay napagtanto ko na may mga bagay na dapat mabigo at maudlot ng magsimula ang bagong pagiral ng mga kaganapang magbibigay ng kulay kesa sa disiplinadong batas ng lipunan at ang ayos na ikot ng universe...ang mga bagay na hindi plinano... those things that are done through the initiation of the heart... kahit pumalya ang ikot ng earth sa sun o ang pagdaan ng mga shooting star there are things as certein and unplanned as the works of the heart...

hindi natuloy ang meteor shower ni kuya kim pero nakita kita... nahawakan... naglakbay ang isip ko sa lampas na pwedeng malakbay ng mga bulalakaw na iyon...ang paglago, paglaki at pagtandang kasama mo...

ang puting tsinelas sa kamynilaan

mahilig ako nagputing tsinalas... fashion statement ko ito. dapat laging malinis ang kuko. pero dahil pasmado ang paa ko at lagi nagpapawis ay madali itong kapitan ng gabok. madali magdumi ang paa ko kasi nagpapawis at hindi din makaiwas ang aking puting tsinelas sa pagdudumi.

noong makalawa lamang ay nagyaya ang aking mga kaidigan na pumunta sa MOA. nagtsinelas lamang ako... ang aking paboritong puting tsinelas. wish kolang eh hindi ito magdumi. at hindi nga ito nadumi. i conclude na mas magabok sa batangas kesa sa moa.hehehehe

now i see

"i live my life as a seminarian mostly inside the box. i do things in routines that is imposed to me. i function as clock mandated by the order of a phenomenon called life..." -francis in the clothes line


i always wonder what is it in the lives of those who live normal lives as normal students, teens. i can call them teens because for so many instances , we were not called binata like our barkadas outside. we are always called brothers, a distinction that sounds so frigis, so strict so straight. a distinction that conceals the wild horses running in our veins but what can we do?that's who we are, brothers. a brohter meaning someone really near to being a priest or priestly. can i go out of this damn shirt some times? i promise to live my life still just.
during this vacation i started to loose up alittle. and i anjoyed it. i told myself "langyang buhay to. parang mga seminarista lang pala ang nagkakaproblema." i was able to say such thing because i am enjoing my life on vaction. for a moment like this a concedered myself as an anime. no problems exept supervilans that never showed up. hindi nauubusan ng brief hindi din nauubusan ng time para magenjoi. ganun ang tingin ko sa buhay until nakita k unti unti na hindi lang pala mga seminarista ang nagkakaproblema. narealixe ko na i was putting so much bitterness in my life... marami pa palang mga taong mas problemado sakin concidering na magkakaedad kami. i realized that i was not even ready to go out of the box i call hell to were i am confined to. i was kicked by realities i cannot even look at. early empregnation, abuses that even a by stander listening to that abuse story becomes depressed, drugs and the common problem of this society that i usually see only in tv and is not even able to reach me. now i am feeling them in the bigger picture of life. it is har. harder than waking up at 5:30 am and doing what can make me a better parson. it is really har. im not the only one who has problems. my problem about cleaning mr locker and having not enough under wear. i fill stupid that i complaines before, too much and now i see...

for the second time around

I've been regretting my life as a seminarian for my whole stay in the seminary. practically for so many reasons.
the food , animalistic classmates, the tyrant teachers and the freedom sucking schedule. I told myself that i have made a mistake choosing to enter the minor seminary. i kept on telling my self that this is the first time that i have committed one of the biggest mistake in my life and the first ever major wrong descision. i'm not saying that it is hell staying in the seminary but all i want to say is that it is how i think then. a very young boy, well pampered in the family. what is the worst thing that can happen than being locked up in a seminary ang loosing almost half the weight that i have gain in my whole life?! yes, i have regreted it before i see how big have i grown since entering the minor seminary. i'm big now because of the mistake that i have commited. and now i just fill so small again and ready to commit the same mistake again. will i enter the major seminary? maybe it is a bigger version of the torture house i came from. but without entertaining any second thought i entered the major seminary and wrote an aplication letter saying that i have come there to voluntary apply for the formation. ouch! i have commited again a mistake hoping that it will bring me to growth and betterment. for the second time arround

sorry for the spelling flaws ha... not really good in spelling

to ponder

bakit pa inutusan ka ng nanay mo na tingnan ang kanin na siasaing nya eh nagagalit? bakit? pinapatingnan lang namn nya ah... pinapapatay ba kung nasusunog?

bakit ice water ang tawag sa tinitindang hindi nagyelong tubig na kadalasang binibili ng mga nagbasktbol na kanto boys?dapat tubig na malamig nalang

anong pagkakaiba ng pepsi sa coke?

nagkakapimples din ba ang mga artista?

ang mga seminarista eh nauubusan din ng underwear at naglalaba din. ang mga anime kaya?

bakit hubo si pooh?

talaga bang hindi naliligo ang mga bata pag summer?

anong mangyayari pag nawala na ang unli?

pwede bang magsimula ng rebulusyon ang isang blogger?

bakit umuulan kahit summer sa pinas? pasaway di ba ang bansa natin?

alam mo kung ano ang burnik? para san kaya yun?

bakit yung ibang rapper eh parang nadura sa mic?

bakit ba kelangan maging mahal ang mga underwear?

bakit kalabao daw ang pinakamasipag na hayop? pwede namng aso ah?

kelangan ba talagang lagyan ng adult contnt's ang mga blogsite para sumikat? hindi namn diba?

bakit ba adult material ang tawag sa mga porn materials?

"are you 18 and above?" ibig sabihin ba non eh pwede ka na magkasala pag 18ka n?

anong criteria para matawag na askal ang isang aso?

kung askal ang tawag sa pakalatkalt na aos edi dapt ang tawag sa mga basurang pakalat kalat eh bakal.

lahat ba ng mga matatandang dalagang teacher eh masungit?

bakit ganun ang mga emo laging nakablack ? pag ba emo ka eh may powers ka nang hindi mainitan?

bakit yung mga emo daw eh naglalaslas? para masaktan daw. eh bakit hindi nila testingin na ipitin yung daliri sa pinto?

kung ang adult diapers ay para lang kay lolo. ang adult materials ba ay para lang din kay lolo?

bakit may mga nagpapapic na hindi kita ang muka ar nakatalikod? nagpapic ka pa!

bakit baby ang tawagan ng mga magbf and gf?

kung pwede magpangalan ng prutas sa mga anak. papangalanan mo ang anak mo ng dalanghita?

bakit ang mga bata sipunin? ako sipunin. ang ibig sabihin ba nun eh bata pa ko?

pinatamis ng ulan

Pinatamis ng Ulan
by: Francis Sune

may mga bagay na pinatamis ng ulan
tulad ng rambutan
na bumubunga kapag tagulan

ipinunla at sumibol sa isang bundok
sa tabi ng isang ilog
hinintay lumaki , at mahinog

pero ang panahon
hindi mo masubok
ulang nagpatamis
nagsimula na ng hamon

ito'y lumaki at lumakas
nagdala pa ng hangin
malamig at nagbabadya ng wakas

bumuhos ng malakas ang ulan
hindi ko akalain!
tamis na dulot nito
nagsimulang umagos
paalis...
pababa...
papaunta sa sadlak na lupa.

kasama ng mga pangarap kong
pinatamis at binuo
ng pagsisikap ko
naguho, naagos at nasira ng bagyo

sumikat ang araw
ngunit sa paligid ay bakas parin ang kahapon
pagkabigo at pagkasirang dala ng bagyo ng noon

subsob sa lupa ang munting bunga
bakas ang pagkatalo at pagkasira
hintayin lang dumaan
ang araw , linggo , buwan , taon at dekada
at mabubulok na ang nagahasang bunga
uuudin, madudurog at magiging bahagi ng lupa


matititra ang butong alaala ng bagyo
na tutubo at lalago
lalaki at yayabong
mulign mamumunga
ng rambutan
at katulad ng batas ng kalikasan:
ito'y patatamisin ulit ng ulan

here i am, there you are
by: francis sune

i was so established then
so stable as if i can go on like this till i grow gray hairs
and have my 10th grand child
i was so stable that i was not even looking for things
for things that i should crave for
i don't go sleepless over a a smiling face
i don't write letters for someone i am anonymous to
i can shout out to every one how i have all the things i want
no more no less, that's all i need
no more asking for crazy grants
i was stable then , at least i can think that way
but then you showed up just by the time i woke up, i was totally off guard
now i am not sure...
you came looking like the other right formula for the answer that i have long solved.
my world sways and floats to no where
now i suffer for want...for you ,rare colored rose. i call you
i want to put you in my garden and see how you blend in
yet i was so sick, sick of want...
i cannot even talk to you or touch you and it pains me.
because here i am and there you are...

letting you grow

i always want to hold you forever. no more no less. but i want you whole person when that time came. i want you unconfused and unleashed by your parents , by me or any other persons that .
i know that letting you go and grow may mean that loosing you but i better loose you than having you by myself unformed and heartless and without your own will. i love you so much. i hope you feel it.

napalo ng bote (a narration)

iba pala ng pakiramdam ng lasing
not nessesarily na talagang unconscious ka
nakakhilo ang pakiramdam
una muna parang mahihirapan ka muna imulat ang mata mo
para bang nasisingkit ka
tapos pansin mo eh nanghihina na pati mga daliri mo
pag lumakad ka pakiramdam mo eh ang gaan ng ulo mo
then what is inside your head goes out easily in your mouth
kaya siguro ang mga lasign eh kung ano ano ang sinasabi.
talaga palang pag lasing eh nalakas ang loob kaso nahina ang ulo...
mapapakanta ka kahit mahiyain ka at malamang na mali ang lyrics...
mapaptawa ka pati sa sarili mo at kahit sa langgam na makikita mo.kaya kahit gaano kapangit ang joke ay tatawa ka... without knowing why...
nung nalasing ako nakita ko kung sino talaga ang willing magalaga sakin, kahit mahirap, kahit makulit ako LALO pag lasing.
and honestly nakilala ko kung sino ako nung nalasing ako... lumakas din ang loob ko tumingin sa sarili ko... dahil sa palo ng bote...

lost in my own world

when is the did the use of ipod's mp3's or even the walk man became popularized and largely patronized in the country?
i also do not know exactly when but when it occured , the number of autism cases increased. given in a simpler statement , madami nang nagiging autistic ngaun.heheheh. i mean being autistic as defined not just by the medical books ang internet sources but as also defined by lay people as a person lost in his or her own world 'may sariling mundo.' why have i come up with this kind of statement? through my own observation of human beings around me who are practically anf literally lost in their own world with their mp3 players and ipods as the portal to this said world of their own. it is a form of escape from what is arround you, from what you can see , from what you may hear and from everything around you. i'm not saying that you will not literally see things around you but you will see it in a very different way. when you are listening to nothing but your music every scene that you will see will be like a music video of a song even the beggers on the streets and the smile of the other passenger in the jeepney.
one problem with this' own world mania' is that a person lost in his own worl have a very little chance of hearing you and even noticing others. and it is really hard to live in a world who are peopled by persons who are living in their own world. it seems that you have to live with persons who do not even notices you and your existence not only is neglected but as if there was never you. i was'nt trying to be so dramatic about this own world thing although it seemed like it. but this is real. even i, i am starting to be lost in my own world.

post graduation feeling

kakaktapos lang ng graduation namin kahapon. march 22, 2009, 9:30 am sa sfs chapel.
it goes as it supposed to, with flying colors and rolling tears of realization , of regrets and of promise.

i'm tahnkful sa mga taong nsa likod ng pagraduate ko. hindi ko talaga inexpect to. kasi first year palang plano ko nang lumabas ng seminaryo. year after year eh i'm planing to go out of this hell called seminary but as the years pass i learned to lve it and saw all the love that it implanted in me.
i was so desperate to be out of the seminary during my earlier stay in my seminary and now that i'm given all the excuses to be out i just can't. given the family weight that i feel that i'm more needed by my family, i have a wonderful girlfriend waiting for me and i know all my potentials will somehow be 'OK' whan i'm out of the seminary seems to be not enough for me to run away free. not that i feel that i still wear that leash in my neck that holds me steady but because i choose to stay. for reasons i cannot explain for reasons i give that i cannot even tell to myself.

march 17,2009

i accompanied an old man to the clinic. not really that old but aged by the pain of his by-pass operation. it's not easy to be a company to an old man. i have to slow down my steps, slow down my phase on this world and little by little be inside his world. it changes my routine even just for a while, it did not changed my life but it gave me a thought to ponder . i remembered this old man carrying me in his arms, he is strong then. i remembered him teaching me to swim, to ride a bike and to fly a saranggola . i remembered him and will always remember him as my father, my strong father. and now this is the time for me to be someone strong for him , for our family. from now on i oath to be a strong son... at least i will try...
the song Father and son sounds so vivid in my mind... i know it's just that i can't vebalize.

hymn to isis

HYMN TO ISIS
For I am the first and the last
I am the venerated and the despised
I am the prostitute and the saint
I am the wife and the virgin
I am the mother and the daughter
I am the arms of my mother
I am the barren and my children are many
I am the married woman and the spinster
I am the woman who gives birth and she who never procreated
I am the consolation for the pain of birth
I am the wife and the husband
And he is my rejection
Always respect me
For I am the shameful and the magnificent one.

from paulo coelho's eleven minuets
this is an ancient hymn to the goddess Isis...
it shows different sides of being a woman... and a soundless plea to be respected...

wala lang

summer na!
kumain ka na?
may ulam pa ba?
o? saan ka pupunta?
magingat ka ha.
nasan ang iyong ina?
ikaw eh puputrulan ko na ng paa!
kakulit mo ga!
galing ng aking tula...
magkakarym diba?

cogito

let's all run away from what we are...
let's kill the person we are... the normal.. the natural... the free flowing...
then that's the time that we will be unburdened of all the personal things that touches the heart. then that's the time we can laugh at the things that goes beyond what we can see...things that goes to the heart... it is when we laugh and laugh, empty laughs until we die... an empty death...

when maria clara evolves

i try to run after this maria clara. she was all different now you know. all different from the the long dressed girl i know decades ago.

she eats pizza...
she drinks beer more than i can take...
been out till the wee hours of the morning...
argue wiht her father...
she runs so wild... carefree...
don't even know how to fry eggs...
wears something that exposes even the soul... i dont know

she beats boys...
kick trash cans...
laugh out loud...
smoke under the security cam...

but still she was the one who gaves birth.. same as isis capable of being a mother and a barren one. being a virgin and a prostitute at times...
my nanay is an evolved maria clara... far from the maria clara i know before... she works hard... shouts out loud... but still she loves as a mother the same love she can give decades ago... just the same... just the same...

try to consider

Try to Consider
by: francis Sune

You are not the least
once in your life
even just one you've been a winner
you won the first race in your life
the sperm race, remember?!

you beat 'em all up
feed them dust for lunch
you made it to the top
and there you are, inside the egg!!!
cheer up. you win the match!

try to consider that once, even once in this marginalized, marginalized, money dominated life you made it to the top. So cheer up and smile at least you are alive! go SPERMIE!

first of summer

tapos na ang school
wala nang assignmen.pwede ng maghalo halo.hehehe

sana photosenthesis nalang ang style ng pagkain ng mga tao para hindi na maeffort. wla nang magugutom.hehehe

bakit walang adobo ang halo halo? sarap naman yun ah.

bakit ang dami paring nagjajakaet kahit summer?

malungkot kaya ang mga teacher pag summer?

anung pakiramdam ng magremedial classes?

ano kaya yung summer romance... ?

maganda ba talga sa boracay?

sana macho ako para makapag beach

iba iba pa ba ang lasa ng halo halo?

bakit ang hirap haluin ng halohalo?

bakit nabagyo dito kahit summer?

ang sakit ng masun burn.

hindi mona makikita crush mo pag summer

bakit kelangan matulog ang mga bata pag tanghali?

nangunguha daw ng bata yung mga nagagawa ng tulay.hehhee lagot kayo.

halo-halo

nagaaral ako ngayon para sa comprehensive exams namin.haay. puro dogma nalang at CCC-cathechism of the cotholic church ang laman ng utak ko. no much time for seld expression.haaay. matatapos din to... dadaan din itong mga exams na to no matter what. bacause it is nothing but time and time passes... makakpagbakaxon din ako at makakain ng halo-halo....hehehe

ang buhay parang halo-halo...

may lahok na hindi masarap o hindi oa kinakain katulad na lamang ng ipis. ngunit dahil kasama to sa mixture ng buhay mo ay mapipilitan kang isubo ito at lunukin. regardless of itss taste, it fortifies you, no matter how bitter.