star gazing

isang gabi sa balita ni kuya kim... magkakaroon daw ng meteor shower.
meteor shower na hindi natuloy...

dahil dito ay napagtanto ko na may mga bagay na dapat mabigo at maudlot ng magsimula ang bagong pagiral ng mga kaganapang magbibigay ng kulay kesa sa disiplinadong batas ng lipunan at ang ayos na ikot ng universe...ang mga bagay na hindi plinano... those things that are done through the initiation of the heart... kahit pumalya ang ikot ng earth sa sun o ang pagdaan ng mga shooting star there are things as certein and unplanned as the works of the heart...

hindi natuloy ang meteor shower ni kuya kim pero nakita kita... nahawakan... naglakbay ang isip ko sa lampas na pwedeng malakbay ng mga bulalakaw na iyon...ang paglago, paglaki at pagtandang kasama mo...

ang puting tsinelas sa kamynilaan

mahilig ako nagputing tsinalas... fashion statement ko ito. dapat laging malinis ang kuko. pero dahil pasmado ang paa ko at lagi nagpapawis ay madali itong kapitan ng gabok. madali magdumi ang paa ko kasi nagpapawis at hindi din makaiwas ang aking puting tsinelas sa pagdudumi.

noong makalawa lamang ay nagyaya ang aking mga kaidigan na pumunta sa MOA. nagtsinelas lamang ako... ang aking paboritong puting tsinelas. wish kolang eh hindi ito magdumi. at hindi nga ito nadumi. i conclude na mas magabok sa batangas kesa sa moa.hehehehe

now i see

"i live my life as a seminarian mostly inside the box. i do things in routines that is imposed to me. i function as clock mandated by the order of a phenomenon called life..." -francis in the clothes line


i always wonder what is it in the lives of those who live normal lives as normal students, teens. i can call them teens because for so many instances , we were not called binata like our barkadas outside. we are always called brothers, a distinction that sounds so frigis, so strict so straight. a distinction that conceals the wild horses running in our veins but what can we do?that's who we are, brothers. a brohter meaning someone really near to being a priest or priestly. can i go out of this damn shirt some times? i promise to live my life still just.
during this vacation i started to loose up alittle. and i anjoyed it. i told myself "langyang buhay to. parang mga seminarista lang pala ang nagkakaproblema." i was able to say such thing because i am enjoing my life on vaction. for a moment like this a concedered myself as an anime. no problems exept supervilans that never showed up. hindi nauubusan ng brief hindi din nauubusan ng time para magenjoi. ganun ang tingin ko sa buhay until nakita k unti unti na hindi lang pala mga seminarista ang nagkakaproblema. narealixe ko na i was putting so much bitterness in my life... marami pa palang mga taong mas problemado sakin concidering na magkakaedad kami. i realized that i was not even ready to go out of the box i call hell to were i am confined to. i was kicked by realities i cannot even look at. early empregnation, abuses that even a by stander listening to that abuse story becomes depressed, drugs and the common problem of this society that i usually see only in tv and is not even able to reach me. now i am feeling them in the bigger picture of life. it is har. harder than waking up at 5:30 am and doing what can make me a better parson. it is really har. im not the only one who has problems. my problem about cleaning mr locker and having not enough under wear. i fill stupid that i complaines before, too much and now i see...

for the second time around

I've been regretting my life as a seminarian for my whole stay in the seminary. practically for so many reasons.
the food , animalistic classmates, the tyrant teachers and the freedom sucking schedule. I told myself that i have made a mistake choosing to enter the minor seminary. i kept on telling my self that this is the first time that i have committed one of the biggest mistake in my life and the first ever major wrong descision. i'm not saying that it is hell staying in the seminary but all i want to say is that it is how i think then. a very young boy, well pampered in the family. what is the worst thing that can happen than being locked up in a seminary ang loosing almost half the weight that i have gain in my whole life?! yes, i have regreted it before i see how big have i grown since entering the minor seminary. i'm big now because of the mistake that i have commited. and now i just fill so small again and ready to commit the same mistake again. will i enter the major seminary? maybe it is a bigger version of the torture house i came from. but without entertaining any second thought i entered the major seminary and wrote an aplication letter saying that i have come there to voluntary apply for the formation. ouch! i have commited again a mistake hoping that it will bring me to growth and betterment. for the second time arround

sorry for the spelling flaws ha... not really good in spelling