now i see

"i live my life as a seminarian mostly inside the box. i do things in routines that is imposed to me. i function as clock mandated by the order of a phenomenon called life..." -francis in the clothes line


i always wonder what is it in the lives of those who live normal lives as normal students, teens. i can call them teens because for so many instances , we were not called binata like our barkadas outside. we are always called brothers, a distinction that sounds so frigis, so strict so straight. a distinction that conceals the wild horses running in our veins but what can we do?that's who we are, brothers. a brohter meaning someone really near to being a priest or priestly. can i go out of this damn shirt some times? i promise to live my life still just.
during this vacation i started to loose up alittle. and i anjoyed it. i told myself "langyang buhay to. parang mga seminarista lang pala ang nagkakaproblema." i was able to say such thing because i am enjoing my life on vaction. for a moment like this a concedered myself as an anime. no problems exept supervilans that never showed up. hindi nauubusan ng brief hindi din nauubusan ng time para magenjoi. ganun ang tingin ko sa buhay until nakita k unti unti na hindi lang pala mga seminarista ang nagkakaproblema. narealixe ko na i was putting so much bitterness in my life... marami pa palang mga taong mas problemado sakin concidering na magkakaedad kami. i realized that i was not even ready to go out of the box i call hell to were i am confined to. i was kicked by realities i cannot even look at. early empregnation, abuses that even a by stander listening to that abuse story becomes depressed, drugs and the common problem of this society that i usually see only in tv and is not even able to reach me. now i am feeling them in the bigger picture of life. it is har. harder than waking up at 5:30 am and doing what can make me a better parson. it is really har. im not the only one who has problems. my problem about cleaning mr locker and having not enough under wear. i fill stupid that i complaines before, too much and now i see...